I don’t recall when and how it all began but my earliest childhood memories were haunted by a demon hell bent on devouring my soul. At first, the demon only came to me in my dreams. It would interrupt my wonderful imaginings and interject its menacing terror pulling me out of my bliss and leaving me paralyzed with fear. There was never a face or body to accompany this darkness just an ominous looming presence that seemed to telepathically infiltrate my thoughts with notions of death, destruction, chaos, and over all ill-intent not just for me but for everyone associated with me. I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t run, and I had no idea how to defend myself against this all encompassing negative entity. However, worst of all was when I would wake from these night terrors, I would desperately want to cry out to my mother for help but in my girlhood home that was never an option and it was as if the entity enjoyed knowing that I had no where to run.
My father was an over-the-road bluegrass-pickin truck-driven musician who was only home once or twice a week. Consequently, my mother took on the majority of the responsibility for raising my sister and me – something she greatly resented. My mother wanted to be a Rockette not a mother but then she met my dad, followed her emotions, and was soon pregnant with my sister and not long after I was born. To my mother, this was the end of her life even though it was only just beginning. She hated herself for following her heart and she loathed us for reminding her of it ever day. Needless to say, my mother wasn’t the person you went to for comfort or compassion so when the demon came, I was on my own. I would learn to wake myself up from these visceral dreams and find the strength to fight through the fear until dawn when the world would turn right again. Unfortunately, the demon would one day take the comfort of daylight from me as well. At age twelve the darkness decided to step up its effort to keep me in fear.
I was recording music from the radio onto cassette tapes with a friend. We were sitting in front of my parents’ state of the art stereo that was bigger than both of us waiting for the songs we wanted to record. It took great concentration and timing to start taping just as the song came on and we had been at it all afternoon. Proud of ourselves and excited to listen to the tape we had pirated, we turned off the stereo and began listening to our recordings. Half way through one of the songs there was a distortion like white noise and the sound of someone talking in a low ominous drone. Thinking that something was wrong with the tape, we took it out and inspected it only to find it flawless. However, when we stuck it back in the machine the voice was still there. We listened intently over and over again to the white noise trying to determine what it was saying when unexpectedly every hair on the back of my neck stood up and I suddenly felt the same fear and sense I had in my dreams. The demon was directly behind me and I could feel its breathe on my shoulders. I had never sensed it outside of a dream before and my heart nearly stopped. I looked at my friend and could see she was feeling something too. I told her we needed to get out of the house immediately but didn’t tell her why – interestingly, she followed without question. We quickly grabbed the tape and run up the street to her house where her mother was home. We told her mother of the voice and fear we had felt and of course she thought we were crazy so we played the tape for her, except, the voice was no longer there. The recording was fine as if nothing had ever been wrong with it. We eventually chalked it up to youthful folly but I knew better.
Over the next three years, the demon haunted me day and night until finally I left home at age fifteen feeling it was safer out of the house than in it and it worked for a little while. Years went by before the demon would rear its phantom presence again sending me right back to that place of being a helpless little girl as if no time had passed. Although the entity wasn’t showing up in my waking life since leaving home, it could still terrorizing my dreams leaving me restless and fearful thinking I should just let it devour me so I wouldn’t have to endure its torture any longer. Then one day it all changed and the balance of power shifted in my favor as I learned where the demon came from and how to defeat it.
In the years after leaving home, I began independently investigating the source of the darkness. Of course having a healthy fear of darkness, I took every precaution to conduct my exploration in the light. I surrounded myself with angels, saints, masters, and guides all of whom taught me how to discern truth from fear, how to live in honor of myself, and how to use my psychic gifts for healing. But most importantly, they taught me how to keep myself safe in a psychic space as this is where the entity resided; little did I know that claiming my psychic space would be the key to defeating the demon.
As I came into my power and work as a clairvoyant, the darkness once again made an appearance in an effort to take away what I had gained. However, what it found was not at all what it was expecting. It began with a dream, however, this time the dream was different – the entity wasn’t tracking me, I was tracking it. In the dream, my mother had called me to tell me something was in her house and she needed me to come and take care of it. I knew immediately she was referencing the demon and I found it curious that she would call me about this because my mother didn’t really approve of my clairvoyant career choice. Nevertheless, I quickly responded to my mother’s call by gathering my team of psychics and going over to her house to exercise the demon out. My years of clairvoyant training had made me unafraid. I knew how to invoke light to weed out the darkness and keep myself safe and I was extremely confident in my abilities.
When we arrived, the team wanted to go into the basement family room, which is exactly where the demon used to haunt me, but as I walked down the stairs I knew the entity was not in the family room but was in what had been my girlhood room in the basement. My team and I entered my old room and although we couldn’t see the entity we all felt it. In the dream I called out to the darkness telling it to leave as it was no longer wanted here when suddenly the dresser behind me was propelled on to of me. In my all encompassing power, I easily pushed it off and began chanting my prayer and demanding that the demon leave. As I chanted, the entity picked me up levitating me toward the ceiling. I was helpless but unafraid. I relentlessly kept with my prayer not allowing the entity to scare me into fear or submission and before I knew it I was floating gently back to the ground leaving the demon disempowered but not gone. It had moved out of my room and upstairs into my mother’s room. I followed it noticing how its menacing presence now seemed pathetic and ineffective. As I entered my mother’s room, I saw the darkness standing beside her. It was attached to her like an unborn child to a mother and I suddenly realized that the entity was my mother. The darkness was her fear, pain, turmoil, and loathing. It was that part of her that was not living from her own truth and power and that part of her that wished to keep me out of my truth and power too. But I had defeated the demon and it was no longer affective at keeping me down. Yet, even thought the darkness could no longer hurt me, it was still hurting my mother. My heart was full of compassion for her although I knew there was nothing I could do to change her relationship to this darkness. It was the demon she herself would have to conquer should she choose to find healing for her own psychic self for this is not the type of healing anyone can do for us it is something we must all come to on our own.
Halloween marks the time when spirit will not be denied whether that spirit is of light or dark. The truth is we are dark just as we are light and to deny one over the other is to create imbalance. The trick is to recognize that most of the darkness we experience today comes in the form of our own demons. The treat comes when face those demons and defeat them by learning to live from the truth and power of our higher clairvoyant perspectives. If you are experiencing an increase in darkness, seek the light and truth of your spirit by changing your negative beliefs and finding the beauty in the design.
Of course if you are having trouble finding your negative beliefs, feel free to come have a reading with me and let me share my clairvoyant insight with you so you can stay on top of the things that might be keeping you down.
Michelle DesPres – Clairvoyant Medium, Author, Teacher, Lecturer